Note: This is satire, if you’re looking for legitimate business advice, this isn’t the right article for you. This is more of a guide to help aspiring entrepreneurs avoid obvious scams.
In a world where everyone is chasing the next big thing, finding meaning in your work is very important for your well being. What better way to do this than by empowering others with the financial freedom to fulfill their dreams? Instead of just building a billion-dollar business for yourself, why not teach others how to achieve the same success?
It is more than just a job, it is a mission to make the world a better place, one success story at a time. And today, I will give you my secrets to become a business guru in no time.
Step 1 – Pick a Niche
Let’s start with the basics: choose a niche that’s easy to enter. Forget about MBA lingo like ‘barriers to entry’ or ‘competitive environment’ — the business should be something anyone can start from their living room. Here are my top three recommended business models:
#3 – Private Labeling to FBA
This lets your audience put their name or brand on the packaging, giving them serious bragging rights. The downside? It requires some upfront investment, which can be a problem for some people.
#2 – Dropshipping
This one has minimal upfront investment. Your clients just need to find a supplier, set up a website, and start selling. Dropshipping is a little secret that very few people in the industry know about, but it has been one of the most successful business models for many years.
#1 – Print on demand
In my opinion, this option is by far the best choice. It’s relatively unknown, and requires no upfront investment. Your clients can “find inspiration” from successful brands, list their products at lower prices, and make a profit. It’s a low-risk venture, probably legal* (Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer and cannot assume responsibility for any legal concerns). Plus, it immediately positions your clients as successful entrepreneurs.
Teach a business model that’s easy, low-risk, and makes your clients feel like they’re winning from day one. Remember, you want them to invest in your course, not spend all their money starting a business.
Step 2 – Create Your Guide
The first rule is to keep it short and simple. It’s not that you lack the knowledge and experience to write a 400-page book, but you value your client’s time too much to get too far into small details.
In terms of pricing, I recommend pricing your offers reasonably. For example, offer your courses for $2000 but add a limited time offer that discounts it to $200 for a pdf. No one can refuse a 90% discount.
Creating the content can be a grind. However, I don’t recommend copying what already exists, you want your course to be unique. Instead, I recommend out-sourcing it to ChatGPT, so you can save your energy for more important things like marketing and social media.
However, ChatGPT isn’t perfect—you’ll need to trim some fluff like financials and analytics. Your audience doesn’t need Wall Street-level details.
I still recommend you show some proof that your method works. It is pretty easy, you can find a lot of good examples on Google. For example, this Shopify store with $3M in sales would be a good addition to your content. You could have easily reached these metrics yourself, but you simply don’t have time.
Step 3 – Market the product
Now comes the hard part: marketing. Start by posting on TikTok and other social media. Look like your target audience—no suits, just casual, relatable attire. You want to show that anyone can achieve success, even the “average Joe.” We’re not selling crypto or real estate courses here.
I suggest you spend a weekend in an exotic location, and record videos that you can post throughout the year. This way, you can make it look like you retired in Hawaii. Bring a new outfit for each video to keep it fresh.
Don’t forget to show screenshots of your “clients” metrics. You can photoshop some screenshot found on Google images, but another option is to find a store with moderate sales and change the currency to Zimbabwe dollars. Boom, your sales figures instantly go from $100 to 36,000 ZWD. You can even ask your friends, or pay people on Fiverr to create fake testimonials for you, as this can help a lot.
Finally, you want to make sure there is a positive vibe within the community you build. Make sure you interact with your followers and remove comments from haters.
Conclusion
If you follow every step here, I guarantee money will come. As explained in the article, anyone questioning the quality of your content or your knowledge in the field is a hater. And in the case you get too much bad rap, all you have to do is to try again in a few months under a different name. Easy as that.
